Myself.

Thoughts ran through my mind some other days. Friends around said that I'm a confident person who always give them advices on solving problems. However, my siblings thought of the vice versa and said that I'm always insecure as they saw me handling my relationship. Am I the confident boy that my friends labelled or am I just an insecure boy whom constantly seek for assurance? To me, I think I'm the latter and only friends who are really close to me will feel that.

Whenever I'm in class, I would crack jokes and do something stupid to humor the class. I would always shout out answers from my seat and participate in lessons enthusiastically sometimes, if the lesson is fun. I would sometimes throw tantrums if I felt unhappy and feel very emotional in class, if the class is noisy, I would shout to keep the classmates silent. All these shows that I'm not afraid to speak up if I'm unhappy or unsure of something. But when I stood in front of the class or just merely answering questions at my seat, I would shiver. I'm not into any kind of serious talks to anyone because I have stage-fright. I love to express myself but when there are many people looking at me, my confidence level would deteriorate. I would often tell others that no matter what happen, confidence is the most important, and as for me, I failed to show the confidence hidden inside me.

When it comes to handling relationship, I would often end being too possessive and as a result, failure for that relationship. Because I do not have the high self esteem in me. I know I'm someone who is below average looking and therefore, I felt insecure when my girlfriend talks to me about the other boy or being with them. I would get jealous easily and thoughts would stream through my mind, telling me that my girlfriend would leave me for a better looking boy. This comes to show that I'm someone who has low self esteem and also someone with little confidence.

Whenever I need to confide my problems, I would always login to IRC, so as to confide to some stranger as I reckon I could be my true self and say it all out. I'm trying my best to be as confident as possible and I reckon I would achieve it someday. I have confidence in myself and I must not let myself down!