In this tiny classroom of not more than 30 students, we are expected to work in groups of 4-5 in order to produce a quality powerpoint presentation to the problem given during the first meeting. I always act as a leader during group work in the past, hence when someone were to take this leadership role during this group discussion in Republic Polytechnic, I feel unease. I did not know how to follow people's instruction. I love doing it my own way. But in this school, I have to comprimise and everyone has a chance, hence I learn to work as a group, being a follower. I remembered going out of control and becoming back to my usual self after one week of school, I bash up a kid 2 years my junior. He was my classmate. My temper got arouse after he made negative multiple comments about my presentation and the overall presentation. This was when everything starts to change. From the usual group eating together at the food court, I was caught packeting my lunch and going back to the errie classroom eating alone. From the usual fun I had with the classmates, I was caught playing games in the internet. However, I still stay competitive by giving my best during class and group discussion because I was hungry for a daily grade of at least a 'B'. It was only during the final days - close to end of first semester that I apologize to those I had hurt, mentally. I got to realise that I always speak bluntly, without thinking. When the things I said was meant for a joke, others may think otherwise. It was also then I realise that I am not a good leader for the groups I lead, because I am more autocractic than democratic. I need people to listen to me, I need people to follow what I do so that I could secure a good grade, and neglected the whole team performances. I regretted acting in such childish-ly manner when most of my classmates could act maturely even though they are younger than me. I regretted. Just a few days ago, I got back a very disappointing result of GPA 3.2 that I finally woke up from all these nonsense and hope to start anew in my second and subsequent semester in Republic Polytechnic. I hope for the best, not just to me but everyone else.
W45F'09
I never consider myself as a sporty person, but I joined Dragon Boat. This thought of joining never cross my mind but I joined nevertheless because my secondary school friend encourage. I am still in the team, but likewise in the classroom, I am not happy. Perhaps is the way I act that makes people not wanting to come near or even speak to me. Being in this team actually makes me feel really inferior. Everyone is so physically fit. Those who are not had gave up and leave the team, and I am still the only one left in this team who are the odd one out. I do not have great paddling skills nor do I have toned muscles. When they are loud, I became soft, when they are louder and even more confident, I became softer and felt more inferior. Because of this infeiority that I started using what I do most, talk, to hurt their feelings. Actually the more I hurt them with my words, the more my weaknesses are potrayed out. I never felt that I am needed in the team. Perhaps because of the consistency of my attendence is not there. When there are choices to be made prior to Dragon Boat, I neglect Dragon Boat. I never prioritise it and this makes me think if I have make the wrong decision. I have a burning passion for this sports and I hope that I could excel in it. But there are no team bonding between myself and the team. There are only a few friends that are constantly talking to me and the secondary school friend of mine is excluded. I thought I might have a chance to blend in together with them since I have a friend inside, but I was wrong. I never felt so inferior, I never felt so left out and I never felt so lousy before. However, I will not give up and will continue to stay and fight on, hopefully one day I could blend in well with them and actually call them 'us'.
During this semester holiday, the above problems actually became clearer, to the point that I would question myself if I have any friends. I have no one calling me out, I have no one helping me to celebrate my birthday like before and I have no one being there for me when I need them most. At this point of time, I have no friends at all. However, just when I was about to break down feeling even more inferior and outcasted, my ITE friends called for me to join them for a gathering at Sentosa. Frankly speaking, I thought I was dreaming because I never expected them to remember me. I was elated. When I meet up with them to go Sentosa together, I felt like I am one of them. They did not give me the feeling of being outcasted neither do they give me the feeling of being unloved. They chatted with me asking me about my life in Republic Polytechnic, they make fun of me like they use to when we are in ITE, they are the bunch whom I could consider friends. They still call me 'Ah Dick', nothing changes. Their gesture and the fun we had together really makes me want to forget everything and spend quality time with them. Actually, it really gives me this feeling of regret, regret for coming to Polytechnic and not stay there and study with them. They are indeed my friends, I love them.
Friends Forever
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